New Movie, New Moon, Same Crap.

Ardent supporters of the Twilight series who stereotypically stem from the hyper-teen/infantile mother demographics are counting down the days to the series' latest book-to-film adaptation, The Twilight Saga: New Moon.

Look, I've never seen the original movie nor read any of these so-called "novels,"but here are the notes I jotted down as I watched its notably laughable trailer.

• Dakota Fanning should not ever wear that much makeup. She was already annoying; now she's creepy, too!
  
• Vampires DO have laws, Kristen! Who else runs the legality of their blood-sucking society?
  
• Vampire culture and human culture don't mix well!
  
• "This is the last time that you will ever see me" is the worst break-up line ever.
  
• Kristen Stewart = James Dean? "...don't do anything reckless." What's she going to do? Explain her feelings with an awful simile?
  
• Yep. Well at least she isn't crying obnoxiously.
  
• Damn. Well what else could she do? It's not like she'll develop an addiction to Adrenaline rushes in order to regain the imagery of her now-gone, still-ugly vampire boyfriend?
  
• ...then again, maybe not.
  
• He'll commit suicide since he thinks she's dead? How Shakespearean.
  
• Her "don't" sounds like Joan Cusak.
  
• The wolfpack might just be the best thing about this seemingly boring piece of cinematic crap.
  
• Opera music works so well for these kinds of movies!
  
• "This may hurt just a little." No, Dakota. It's going to hurt a lot. It already has. 
  

Will I see the movie? Probably not. Will I ever test the waters of mediocre literature in the form of a vampire story with vampires who lack fangs or "bite" (no pun intended)?


No.


Probably not.