My First Twilight

**warning: spoiler**

**p.s. it won't enhance the film if you don't know the ending already**

After months of hearing screaming tweenfans and mothers who live vicariously through their daughters’ lives gab on and on about this Edward Cullen and his “liquid topaz eyes,” I finally bit the cinematic bullet and lost my Twilight virginity the other night.

Rather than reading any of the surprisingly thick novels by Stephanie Meyer or pre-gaming by watching the first book-to-film adaptation , Twilight, I decided to go in full-force without any background knowledge and accompanied a few friends to the midnight premiere of what is sure to be another MTV Movie Award contender, New Moon.

I have to say, I’m not sure if I knew what I was in for. I mean, yes, I knew I wanted to write a review on New Moon beforehand, but that’s simply because I love writing reviews and hadn’t done one in some time.

And I knew it wasn’t going to necessarily be a great movie. Its target audience is mostly composed of boy-crazed schoolgirls who haven’t experienced the realities and pleasures of either a) real romance or b) quality filmmaking. 

Accordingly, I’m not here today to write a review about the inevitable failures of New Moon as far as guidelines for great movies are concerned. Let’s face it, New Moon doesn’t have much to offer, cinematically speaking: wooden dialogue, a questionable soundtrack, even more questionable full circle camera rotations, and acting that would make most porn stars realize if there’s always someone better than you in the world, there’s definitely also someone far, far worse.

No, I knew (even though I hate to say that with such snarky confidence) that New Moon would not be a great film. But I had no idea how powerfully dangerous its message to the thousands of girls (and boys) absorbing every piece of lame vampire lust really would be.

What exactly is that message? Oh, it’s quite clear: women need men.

I hate to hoist myself up on another feminist soapbox (see my Lady Gaga analysis, if interested), but then again, I don’t think I’m doing just that. New Moon isn’t bad for women because of some underlying theme involving feminist theory or symbolic castration. New Moon just tells girls it’s okay to be stupid, plain and simple.

Bella (played by Kristen Stewart , whose facial expressions suggest a serious need of some good Laxatives) is dumped by her vampire boyfriend and spends most of the movie moping around, claiming her life is empty without him.

That’s fine and dandy if she were a complex being who would develop throughout stages in life and realize the positive and negative implications of this life-changing situation. But that’s not what Bella does.

She cries. She screams. She cries and screams simultaneously (her only discernable talent). She finds herself chasing dangerous situations to catch a glimpse of her beloved Edward. You know, the usual.

True, she finds a substitute in the form of the tantalizing Jacob (Taylor Lautner ) to help forget about Mr. Cullen for a moment, but as soon as her true love tricks her stupid little mind into an impromptu trip to Europe to save him, she’s all about the blood-sucking boyfriend again. Forget the abs.

Bella isn’t a deep character. She only thinks about the men in her life, mostly referring to Edward. They all claim to be dangerous, but she doesn’t care. She needs them. They save her when in trouble, which is often, since she’s portrayed as one of the dumbest, most pathetic females to ever grace the screen (keep in mind, she’s pretty much the only leading female we and dozens upon dozens of adoring fans still forming an ability to consciously analyze media and art see throughout the unbearable and often laughable two hours of New Moon).

At one point, Bella is almost killed by a dreadlock-sporting vampire who finds her chillin’ in the massive woods of Washington State one afternoon. She seems to accept his impending attack and whispers, “I love you Edward” before what she thinks will be her death (before wolf man saves the day).

Seriously? Her last words were about Edward – her man? Her monotone knight in pale-skinned armor?

Please, someone find me an example of Bella making a self-governed decision, discovering her true self, or functioning in some positive way without one of her two men? You will search for a long time, my friends.

Bella is the epitome of the helpless damsel in distress, except she seems to be accepted by Twilight fans as a heroine, an idol. Despite her idiocy, dependency on men, and overall rejection of self-awareness and introspective capabilities, Bella is the character whose fans across the country (including their big sister and mother) perceive as the main character caught in a very difficult battle for romance, when in fact, she's battling much more than a boyfriend who glitters in the sun (Meyer's "brilliant" contribution to the realm of vampire culture).

What a scary, scary reality.

Don’t watch this movie for its utter lack of any real entertainment value. Avoid and criticize it for its potential ability to impact individuals – particularly women – in such a negative light. Let’s look it at it from a more holistic perspective and realize that movies aren’t always just bad or good, smart or stupid. Sometimes, they’re just an omen for continual pressures and traditional convictions of limited confidence for female individuals across the country.

Perspective: Five Ways in which “Bad Romance” is Good Feminism.

Lady Gaga is, above all else, an artist. After all, art is interpretive, representative of specific cultural contexts, and idiosyncratically constructed (at least, from my perspective – another aspect of the way in which art operates).


And because Lady Gaga, an enigmatic, fashionably conscious, and considerably intimidating performer of the most sexualized, individualized, and glamorized power known to the world of pop culture, it is no surprise that her recent video for “Bad Romance” (the first single  off her widely anticipated album of only eight new songs, The Fame Monster), was dramatically unique.

However, what I found most interesting in Gaga’s video – perhaps a conclusion inspired by my recent studies in the field of socially constructed and influenced genders, sexes, and desires – was the frequent incorporation of feminist-related concepts used to tell a compelling narrative in which females are submissive unless able to destroy the dominance of men.

As an advocate for gender equality and self-declared feminist, I rather enjoyed this potential foundation for her theatrical display of music. Here are the five ways from which I determined Lady Gaga’s own brand of feminist theory:

1.     The differentiation in colors and clothing. Throughout the video, Lady Gaga’s wardrobe – ranging from practically nothing to a full piece body suite that leaves almost everything to the imagination – provides insight to feminine traits. At the beginning, when she is the most submissive toward males (performing for them, blind to the world) she wears white, a symbolic color of weddings, marriages, and the ultimate form of historical female subservience: the adjoining of man and property. When discussing her desires or avoiding such matters, she wears black, red, or sexualized outfits that do not hide her, blind her, or color her married. 
   
2.    The narrative itself. One could argue that women (and men) are often born with this lack of true vision - an ability to see what they are really being set up to achieve (for females, typically male pleasure), as illustrated through the emergence of the blinded, white-covered women in the beginning. Then, Lady Gaga is kidnapped by two females, both of whom are wearing fairly but less so than previously conservative, white clothing, to perform for a group of highly masculinized, often shirtless men. She appears weary at first, but is forced into the performance, for which she submits to male pleasure and attempts to arouse them. 
   
3.  The song is called “Bad Romance.” Lady Gaga repeats her desires, which often contradict on an astronomical level: she needs his ugly and disease, his fire; she needs all that is bad and good from him, yet this contributes the fact that any the relationship is a “bad romance.” This could be interpreted as the pervasive types of relationships infecting mostly heterosexuals today – one in which males dominate and females accept all that is male, or forgivable, accepting a bad romance, without which, they would not be able to survive in the patriarchal society controlling relationships globally. 
4. The death scene. Lady Gaga kills the man with fire that spurts from her breasts – a symbolic representation of femininity and women. Breasts are used to make women attractive in many societies, represent one of the key difference in reproductive capacities that separate women from men, and in general, are the most desired, socially encouraged physical manifestation of chauvinistic lust. It makes sense that this ultimate metaphor for the treatment of women transforms into a weapon against the masculine regime.
5.    “I’m a free bitch, baby” This line, often repeated explicitly and subtly throughout the song, is another way to comprehend feminist-based ideas. Bitch is one of the most common terms for a woman who fails to succumb to “weak” feminine behavior and carries herself in a masculine manner.  By saying she’s a free bitch, which is originally muffled in the beginning and directly loud and clear later, allows Lady Gaga to access the language and empower herself. She is free from the world of patriarchy - she is different, eventually resistant to oppressive powers. 

In essence, am I overanalyzing and giving Lady Gaga too much credit for which Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Andrea Dworkin would have my head? Possibly. But I see real potential here for a critique on masculinity, patriarchal society, and the absence of a feminist voice. And whether or not you believe I've reached my capacity for over-the-top-and-beyond thoughts, at least remember this:

Songs, no matter how dense, ridiculous, brilliant, or old, should never be taken only at face-value. Music, whether solely an extension of capitalism or locally charged entertainment, is an important element of culture and should always be explored, debated, and interpreted.